OK, here we go, I’ve got a net worth of £455,189, and assets of £551,852, I’m worth £1007041, right?
Now I’ve got a few quid in the bank, let’s say £339,991, but I owe £182,587, that means I’ve really got £157,404, still with me, so I’m worth around £100000 with £157404 in loose change. Nice and tidy so far, doing all right really in these hard times of Banksters crippling the country.
Actually let’s say me and the old lady are a limited company, let’s think up a name, I dunno, something catchy like Kent’s R Us. I chose Kent’s because that’s English for the popular Latin word Cantium . Actually that’s quite funny, cause if you say it quick, it sounds like Kent’s Arse. OK, so we are both directors, we need a pretty little company secretary, so I’ll be that as well.
So we are worth £1,000,000, so let’s issue ourselves with 1,000,000 shares at a pound each, cause that way we’ve got lots, happy days.
Oh bugger, it’s all gone tit’s up, we’ve got to write off £750000 which means our shares have dropped to 25p each. We are only worth £250,000 now.
It never rains but it bleeding pours, would you Adam “n” Eve it, luv a duck, gore blimey guv, the old lady, the landlord has only gone and said she is increasing our rent from £69 per week to £2307 a week, that’s £120,000 a year. (not sure why I went all Dick Van Dyke there, but it’s always nice to get the word Dyke into a post, “Don’t shtay awaiy too long Mary Poppinch”)
On top of that, my mate Boris, not that one, my Russian mate Boris promised to let me have £320,000 for 6 years to tide me over, well he only coughed up once, just cause a High Court Judge said he was “dishonest and deluded’.
I knew things were going to turn nasty, that’s why I sold my house which cost me £300,000 for £5.75 million before the crash, and moved into this pad. The neighbours have been a bit noisy recently although it has calmed down in the last month or so.
No idea where the £5.75 million has gone, the old lady luvs to do a bit of shopping.
My other source of income has dried up since people stopped being civil to us, so I really don’t know which way to turn. “Big Issue” anyone?